Kenyan & American Lenses

Last term, I started teaching life skills class for my Form One and Two students - it is not a priority for the Kenya educational system as it is not a testable subject, but I thought that it was a important class, and that it might be fun. 

We started talking about the basic aspects of life skills, job skills, self-awareness, stress and anger release, relationship and dating skills, just to name a few topics that we have covered.  We shared numerous laughs discussing some of the rules for dating and relationships, and during a class with my Form Two students, we then shifted into the discussion of the American dating culture in comparison to Kenyan dating culture, and it led some interesting thoughts and ideas from both the kids and me. 

I started, “So, do you know what drawing a map means in Kenya?” I saw a few kids start to giggle, and then I asked, “Oh, so you do know!  Anyone brave enough to show us?”  Nervous laughter emerged as the kids looked at each other, nobody really thinking that I was serious.  Finally I started demonstrating the typical Kenyan female response of a typical Kenyan male advance – the man is supposed to be stubborn, and then the woman would keep saying no, at the same time, one of her feet would be “drawing a map,” giving a subtle response for the guy to keep asking until he gets the answer he wanted.

The class erupted in laughter after my demonstration.  I asked them if they knew what I was doing, and they all started talking about what they know and filling out some missing information.  They had gotten information from their friends and in some lucky cases, from their families. 

“So you don’t do it like that in the United States?” the brazen Josephine asked, with a twinkle in her eye.  Half of the class gasped, looking at Josephine with unbelieving eyes for being so brazen.  The other half of the class rolled their eyes and looked at me, expecting an answer from me; they had expected that I would answer all of their questions, as I usually do. 

I laughed, and said, “No.” 

“How do you guys do it, then?  Is it like in the movies?” Monica followed up Josephine’s question – because of Monica and Josephine, the rest of the class would be content to just sit back and watch how brazen Monica and Josephine would be. 

“In no way is it like the movies – it’s a lot more messy and not as pretty.  The big deal is communication – people don’t talk in the movies, they just kiss.”  I said, to laughter from the class.  We talked about communication and how that impacted relationships and referenced to a previous class in which we played the telephone game and discussed how rumors could run rampant. 

Josephine persisted, “But you Americans and Europeans kiss a lot.”  This statement did not just shock half of the class; it shocked the entire class, and sent everyone in gales of laughter.

“You’re right, we do.” I responded.  I did not think that was the response they were expecting, as it left a usually talkative class totally mute and staring at me.  “As an American, it was always part of the husband and wife relationship to kiss your husband or wife when he or she returns from work, or from a vacation, so we’re used to that.  When we see the interactions between an Kenyan husband and wife, which is basically just a handshake after a long day at work, it just does not make sense to us, just like the way kissing in public during a relationship does not make sense to you.”

“Why is it different? How did that happen?” Gona jumped into the conversation, another student, who is a close second to the team of Monica and Josephine in fearless questioning. 

“I don’t know.  Cultures develop differently in different places.  Things change, and because everyone is so far from each other, some culture norms (at this time, I took the time to teach some cultural vocabulary … literacy in every possible way, dude!) just develop differently.”

“Wait, like how there’s different rules in different Deaf schools, and maybe different signs because they just don’t grow up together?” Mercy asked. 

“Exactly!”  I said with a smile, mentally cheering to myself that some of the kids are actually thinking for themselves or remembering the stuff that I had taught them.  We talked about some sign variations, different rules and expectations at schools, and this led into a discussion about the dress code. 

Shukurani asks, “Why do the Americans not feel shame about wearing shorts and maybe a low cut shirt while out in public?”

“That’s the culture out there.  Not everyone does it, but people do not take a second glance if girls or boys wear that or some other weird stuff.  There’s no shame – that’s the culture.  It’s the same way – I respect the Kenyan culture because I know the students and teachers wouldn’t probably work with me well if I wore shorts all the time, and when you guys fly out and visit the US, you’ll need to respect what people are wearing there instead of making fools out of yourselves ogling at everyone.” I explained.

“But they don’t feel ashamed?”  Shukurani persisted with a disbelieving expression.

I thought quickly and got a start of an idea, something, but I wasn’t sure where it would go. “Okay – here’s another way to look at it.  Who’s Muslim here?” I asked and a few hands went up in the air.  “Okay – if you’re a woman, when you’re married, what do you need to do?”

“Wear a bui-bui (this is name of the scarf that goes around the head, hiding the hair of the woman).” Abdullahi said.

“What happens if a woman does not do that?” I continued.

Abdullahi looked at me in shock, “She would be ashamed!”

“Okay, now a question for the Christians in this class - would you be ashamed if you did not wear a bui-bui?”

Silence in the class as the students pondered this. 

After a couple of minutes, Shukurani nodded, “Okay.  There’s no shame.  The cultures are just different.”

I smiled and thought to myself, I just love days like these.